Mothers Day

I wanted to title this…WAIT! I almost forgot Mother's Day!  

Truth is life is so busy this little blog has been neglected.  And I miss connecting with friends and documenting what's been going on in the little's lives so much.  I really hope to get back in the swing of things soon-bear with me folks!

We had a great Mothers Day weekend.

Pictured here is my mom, aka Rosie, and my sister, aka the BEST sister in the world.  I LOVE these ladies so so much.  They are my role models and I don't tell them that enough.  

Not pictured is my sweet MIL who made Hank a bow tie and Carsyn's "Dolly" a dress in record time without batting an eye.  She's such an awesome woman, awesome wife, awesome mom.

I love being a mom so much and am in awe that God blessed me with these sweet babes.  And of course this guy too.

I hope all you moms had a great time celebrating with your loved ones!

One day I will look back and laugh

There will be a point in your mommy life that a 10 minute shower will be a luxury. You'll throw your 18 month old in bed, prop your 3 year old that thinks she's a teenager in front of Liv and Maddie with a yogurt and plot your escape. You'll gather necessities, pour a glass of wine and tell your toddler mommy needs a shower, not to move and come get her if it's an emergency. You'll be singing John Mayer to the top of your lungs and your hair will be at full slather when you hear the urgent wails..."Mom! I need to poop."

So you hop out of the shower remembering your daughter is in full ballerina mode and can't possibly de-tutu fast enough. You will remove slippers, tights, and tutus and place her on the potty in which she replies the urge has left her.

You tell her to keep trying and reassure her Mommy is there and hop back in the shower. You haven't  got the shampoo rinsed out before your princess proclaims "I did it! All finished!"

You hop back out of the shower ever so gracefully because the tiles are soaking wet and offer to ballerin-ifa your daughter once again.  While in the process she'll repulsively say "Ewwww! You're getting me all wet! Take it off!" "Dry my dress now!" In which you'll sigh, swig a drink of your wine and think quickly of a compromise.

Being the brilliant, seasoned mom you are you begin to barter. "Tell you what Carsyn", you say. "If you let Mommy finish showering she'll pour you a big bowl of Cheerios!" (Important tidbit- kids love Cheerios. I pack them everywhere. They make really big messes. Which is why kids probably like them).  She mulls it over as I stand shivering. "Ok!"she resigns,  "Put my blue Cinderella panties on, get my blue tutu, and find my lip gloss."

Oh mom. You were outwitted again.

But you don't give up.

You scramble and do all those things, naked, sopping wet, and sudsy headed.  Mentally high fiving yourself for locating the lip gloss under the sofa you return to shower...

And it's like a blast from the Rockies.

In a feeble attempt to avoid being frozen solid you quickly rinse, dry and reach to take one more sip when you here it...

Moo-oom!

I spilled Cheerios!!

Come clean me up!!!

I'm waiting on the steps.

Oh, my darling ballerina.  Good thing you're cute.

Seasons

I'm watching MMCH for the 8000 time and a topless 3 year old is bouncing off the walls.  Its after midnight and though I vowed to get the kids in bed earlier when we "fell back" I find myself failing miserably. Its ok though.  Hanky is usually in bed by 9:30 and Carsyn is a nice little companion.  I figured I'd take this time to write a quick note on where my heart is these days.

Carsyn just spilled her milk for the second time today after Hank dumped his out countless times.  I've cleaned more spills and wiped more tails today then I care to admit.  I poured a glass of wine at 11:30 and vowed Carsyn would be in bed and I'd catch up on some PLL on Netflix.  I was wrong.  After a quick 11:00 bath Carsyn was determined to watch Mickey and sometimes its easier to give in than argue.

So she's all set in the playroom with a fresh glass of milk and I'm in the living room picking up when I hear her scream she's spilled milk everywhere.  I swear this kid loses it when she gets messy. Maybe that explains why she's going through a topless and wanting to sleep naked phase? Anyway, in a rush I knock over my wine...she's crying, I'm crying and then I just have to laugh.

Today has been one of those rare Saturdays with nothing to do.  The rush of the holiday season is upon us and I know the next few months we'll be super busy.  And we like being busy.  In fact Carsyn asks me every day when we get up where we're going.  She started asking Thursday what we were doing Saturday.  Poor Hank even brings me his shoes now to put on and goes and stands by the door.

I told Carsyn we were not going anywhere Saturday- We were going to watch Peter Pan and make cupcakes.  And we did.  We stayed in our pjs, well me in my pjs, Hank in a diaper, and Carsyn in a strawberry shortcake dress.  We played with every toy in the house.  It was utter chaos.

Or as W would say pure pandemonium.  I started asking when bedtime was at 8, I think.  And here I am hours later.  Spilled milk has been swiped up, snoozing babes are in their rooms and I'm staring at a blinking cursor. Just like always once the kiddos are in bed I start missing them.

I reflect on the day and even though Carsyn is going through her strong willed phase she's pretty awesome.  Hilarious.  And a complete teenager sometimes with her desire to wear lip gloss and high heels.  Hank is growing so fast and imitating everything big sister does.  He's really started to take an interest in toys now and its so cute.  He still likes to torture Carsyn and steal her Barbies but he also loves anything with wheels.

I catch myself letting them out of my sight for longer moments of time.  Lets forget about earlier tonight when I heard them giggling uncontrollably and Carsyn brought me a pair of scissors proclaiming she probably shouldn't have them.  You're right sister.  Then after handing them over stating I might want to take Hanky's too.  Right again little momma.

But earlier they were pushing trains around the house squealing with delight and I thought about how awesome it was.  Really awesome.  Awesome enough to make me forget about anything that didn't go as planned today.

I am just really enjoying this season of life.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't need more hours in the day to take care of household chores.  Or if I said I didn't wish more often than I'd care to admit for a larger home with more room for toys and a bigger yard to roam.  Or if I can't help but get excited for the day I can cook dinner without little ones wrapped around my legs.

Then I start to think.  Its just a season.

And just like hot summers fade into crisp Falls, life changes and evolves.

There's that newborn season where you know sleep filled nights are ahead and you don't mind that 3 am wake up call.  Or that newborn season when your baby screams and screams and there's nothing you can do and it seems like time is standing still.

Or the toddler season when you rarely sit down and wonder how your legs manage to keep moving.  And then remember its likely due to the 4 cups of coffee you've inhaled that day.

I dread the teenage season most and my heart already aches for missed buzzer beaters, failed pop quizzes, and prom let downs.

The season I'm in now is chaotic and never dull.  But its peaceful at the same time.  I may not be ready for the season ahead but I'm darn sure going to enjoy the one I'm in.

On Letting them Be Little

I'm upstairs with the windows open on a beautiful Fall day.  The kids are snoozing..albeit a little later than I'd like, but I"ll take it.  We've been running crazy all day and I'm happy to have a free moment to collect my thoughts.  The vacuum is humming downstairs and I am feeling zero guilt about having someone help out with cleaning house.

I've been thinking a lot for probably a year about what to do about putting Carsyn in school.  I feel like without a doubt if she was my only one she'd have started at least 2 days a week at age 2.  The minute I found out we were having Hanky our family dynamic changed big time.

Rosie was able to retire and cut my work load in half.  I was able to be more of a SAHM and less of a mess of a WAHM/TYKTWM (take your kids to work mom).  Yep I made that up I think.  And for those that manage to work with your kids I applaud you.  You're awesome.  Its the hardest thing I do honestly.  The days I work with the kids Rosie watches them and my hands are still full.  They still need momma every now and then.

Back to the school thing.  I was not going to bring a new baby home in July and send Carsyn to school within a month of each other.  There was and is no doubt in my mind she'd resent that.  She wasn't potty trained(still isn't), paci broke(nope), and plain wasn't ready in my opinion.  I'm her momma and my opinion counts.

That first year with Hank flew by.  Y'all know what I'm talking about..You blink, they're sitting up, you blink, they're eating foods, you blink, they're walking.

And boom.  It was time to think I had missed the boat in putting Carsyn in school as it likely would have a wait list.  She'd be three and more than ready.  I pushed it to the back of my mind.  Dismissed it really.  And when I told people I felt like when I sent her to school I wanted to send Hank too I'd get looks of disapproval. Or I'd get people trying to talk me into letting her be her own person.  And I GET that.  Really I do.  I actually think she'd prosper at school.  She loves kids, loves learning, and listens better than W.. (Sorry hubby I love you though).

But here's the thing.  She's not home with me all day.  She goes to Rosie and Pops at least 3 days a week.  The same Rosie that taught Kindergarten for umpteen years and taught Carsyn all of her letters.  Even F and Q and Z and the hard ones.  The same Rosie that actually talked me out of putting Carsyn on a wait list.

The other days we go out and eat in a "restaurant"-Carsyn's favorite thing.

We go to the post office and I teach her how to mail a letter.

We go to the grocery store and she asks what every. single. item. on the shelf is.  And I answer half the time ;)

We go watch Maddox play baseball even though its 2 hours away.

We go to the park and feed the ducks.

We take Ranger and Wagon rides in the sticks.

We play tag and hide and seek with Rosie and Pops.

We go shopping...(Yep totally considered a learning experience).

We share toys with baby brother and try to teach him to color and draw and sometimes play Barbies.

We go to Bob Evans for breakfast dates and pancakes like we did this morning.

We prep dinner together.

We meet friends for lunch dates.

And on weekends we go to parties and church and enjoy socializing with our friends.

I feel like our weeks are spent with family and loved ones and while learning is not at the top of our agenda family is.  And family time trumps all.

So, for now my children will start school when I'm ready.  I'm just not willing to let go of midday nap cuddles, my late breakfast dates, and my mid morning play dates.

Now, if anyone wants to babysit a few hours a week so I can get a mani/pedi or hair appt kid free I'd totally be for that.

Fear's a powerful thing, baby

So, yesterday's message in church really got my wheels spinning...I love it when that happens.  And I connected what the Pastor was saying to one of my favorite Springsteen songs.  

I'll get to that later.

I'm weird like that, I guess.  

And I'm glad the Pastor doesn't read my blog because I'm sure he'd think I'm cuckoo.

He made us turn to Mark 4:35-41 in the Bible and look at the story of the storm when Jesus calmed the wind.

³⁵ That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” ³⁶ Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷ A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. ³⁸ Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”

³⁹ He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

⁴⁰ He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

There are two words which collide here: Faith and Fear.

Now, fears reigns pretty supreme in my house.  W grapples with the all consuming fear.  Fear of financial stability, fear of death and leaving the babes too early, while I'm the opposite.  My fears are like little insecurities which nag me all the time.

I firmly believe its in His hands.  I really do.  When I was about to have Carsyn my blood pressure went through the roof and I'm fairly certain I had a mild panic attack.  It was by far the scariest moment of my life.  I survived.  The Lord blessed me with that sweet baby girl and fears took on a whole new meaning.  

I dealt with fears like I'd never known for that first year of being a mom.  Sleepless nights and worry all but consumed me.  I think its like that with all first time moms, but I could be wrong.  When I found out I was expecting Hank I prayed like I'd never prayed before.  I really wondered why I became pregnant with Hank when I was so overcome with anxiety raising one child.  Carsyn would throw a fit and we'd both meltdown and I'd just look to the Lord and say "And you think I can raise two?!"

And then along came Hanky and I saw God's plan.  His plan for me to appreciate every sleepless night.  To appreciate each sigh and each cuddle.  And to laugh at every fit thrown and toy tossed.  A plan for me to experience the joy of motherhood.

I'm really working on shutting my fears down and letting my faith work its magic.  

I'm so used to being afraid in public...what if I scold my children too harshly and the lady at the checkout counter thinks I'm a bad mom?  

And afraid when I lay the kids down at night..Hank will not sleep without his blanket..what if he gets tangled in it?  

And afraid I'm disappointing my parents..Does Dad need me to help more?  Does Mom think I'm a good mom?

Back to Mark.  Do you know this is the only reference in the Bible of Jesus sleeping?  He is resting and his ship is about to sink!!!

Should we not use this as a guide?  Should we shoot down our fears no matter how large or small simply because we have Faith?

I think Bruce wrote Devils and Dust from a soldier's perspective and while its one of his darkest songs its one of my favorites.

I got God on my side

And I'm just trying to survive

What if what you do to survive

Kills the things you love

Fear's a powerful thing, baby

It can turn your heart black you can trust

It'll take your God filled soul

And fill it with devils and dust

You see, fears to me are like little joy suckers...And I think they can build up and build up until they consume you. 

Do your fears consume you?