I'm a mess of contradictions in a dress

I go to bed wishing I had someone to cuddle with, and wake up pushing everyone who cares about me away.

I spend days wearing cute floral dresses, acting adorably innocent, then get tattoos and piercings, shop lift and have sex on total impulse.

I freak out over the calories in gum, then binge on thousands of calories.

I have bubble baths to soothe my sore muscles, then I take a blade to my wrist.

I plan my future with a PhD, then think of ways I could kill myself.

I spend hours cleaning my room, then smash my mirror to bits.

I am sweet and caring, yet turn into a ruthless sarcastic bitch in a matter of seconds.

I hate being lonely, but refuse every invitation I get to be with people.

I talk about poetry like a queen, while using 'fuck' as punctuation.

I want to be myself and ignore what society thinks, but I have no idea who I am.

I love you and I hate you.

I want you, yet I hate wanting you.

I can't describe myself as I am a bunch of opposites.

As Fiona put it in Shrek The Musical;
"I'm a mess of contradictions in a dress"

-Niqi
xoxo

To be a queen

Being a queen is more about pretty dresses and delicate hand waving. Its more than the appearances and palaces.

Queens have power. Being a princess is all fun and games, but being a queen means more. Being a queen involves being smart, in control, strong, kind and always on top of everything.

Queens also always put up a brave front. No matter what is going on in their lives, they appear in control when they are in front of a crowd. They deal with their personal issues and insecurities behind closed doors.

That's why I aspire to be a queen. Whether it's the queen of the world, the queen of my family, or the queen of math, I strive to be a queen. When personal shit happens, I want to be able to deal with it privately, and then go out and continue taking on the world It takes hard work, dedication and a hell of a lot of passion, but one day, I hope it will be worth it.

-Niqi
xoxo