Pro ana

I made a post before titled "what the pro ana community has done for me". I was wrong when I wrote that. I didn't have the right impression of what pro ana is. I was talking about the eating disorder support community on social media. This community that does not push recovery, but does not encourage relapse. The community that supports you no matter what stage you're at with your illness, and allows you to vent. It's basically like a support group you can access at any time via social media. Yes, it can be triggering at times, because numbers are often mentioned (which isn't allowed in normal support groups), but letting out specifics really helps people vent.

I got a direct message on twitter today that said:

"U think ur 1 of the thinnest? Um ur bmi is still normal... Get a grip on reality. Ur thin and beautiful not skinny or the thinnest"

This was after I tweeted about a conference I was at - I felt like I was the dumbest, but I felt like one of the thinnest. I was upset that I had these thoughts. I know it doesn't matter and it was highlighted at this conference. My weight doesn't get me anywhere special. All these other students with higher weights were smarter and getting more out of the conference than I was. My other tweets went on to explain these thoughts.

I'd like to point out, before I get hate messages for this, I do not suffer from body dysmorphia. Yes, I still have an eating disorder. Yes, I still want to lose weight. But I am capable of seeing myself accurately compare to other people. I am aware that I am on the low end and quite thin. I am aware that losing more weight will make me unhealthy and not 'look' good as society would put it. Yet, I still want to.

Now, there are so many things wrong with this message that I got other than the fact that it's rude, insulting, and ruined my day.  Because I was extremely triggered and insulted, I went and looked at this person's account, and it was quite pro-ana, even though she claimed it was not. This account bragged about their BMI, had all their goal weights listed, and their description read "FOR ANAS&MIAS ONLY". Now I can't see their tweets as they are a protected account, and I have no desire to follow someone who would send me those messages, so maybe they're not what I think they are.. but that's the impression I got.

I'm also not sure how this person knows what my BMI is. I had a blog post when my BMI hit 18.5 and how I felt about that, but it's been a while since then, and drastic weight fluctuations are common in eating disorders, especially bulimia. For all they know, I could be over or under weight now. I won't even get into how inaccurate BMI is. But as a muscular girl, my "healthy or ideal" BMI is higher than that of the average built person.

I'm not too sure where I was going with this article, other than there are mean people out there and to watch for this. You can say that you aren't promoting anything, and you may not be directly telling anyone to starve or to puke, but you're directly triggering someone and I don't think that's okay. I love the eating disorder support community, and have accidentally called it "pro-ana" but that's not what it is. The "pro-ana" community is a very different disgusting community, and gives the support community a bad name because of the slight overlap.  

If you'd like to read my post about what the eating disorder community has done for me, you can find it here.