I applied for a job that would have been perfect for me. It was to be a teaching assistant for gifted students in the states - in exactly my area of research. I interviewed on Friday. Today I got the news that I didn't get the job.
When you have borderline personality disorder everything has so much meaning. I didn't get the job. Therefore I'm a failure. Therefore I'm never going to have anything good in my life. Therefore I should give up on school. Therefore I should die.
I know logically it makes no sense. But to me it does. I take rejection hard. I know that these people are strangers, but I got rejected by them. No one wants me.
I'm supposed to be working on my thesis. I lost all motivation.
I want to smash my head into the wall. Maybe that would improve my brain function considering how dumb I apparently am.
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