And so eat I will

It's Friday. I've made it through yet another week. Things aren't going too well academically.  I'm behind in all my courses, and my grades are about 30% lower then where they need to be. I'm starting to worry that I'm not made out for a career in mathematics. What if I'm just not smart enough? What if I just don't have it in me?

I'm trying to push aside these thoughts. If I believe them then I'll make them true. I'm going back to the basics. Studying my ass off. Working harder than ever. If I want this badly enough I can obtain it. I just need to fight.

I have two goals: be an elite gymnast, and be a professional mathematician.

These means I need to dream mathematics, bleed gymnastics and eat. Eat good food and keep it all down. My brain needs fuel and so does my body. I need to beat this bulimia. If I can't do that, I won't be able to do anything else.

I need to fight for my dreams. And to do so I must eat. And so eat I will.