Clean again

Yesterday was tough. I had to get back on track after binging and purging Wednesday. But I did it!

I had to do a lot of thought records and use my CBT journal to convince myself that one bad day doesn't mean I should give up on my goal of being clean.

The day was okay, but the evening was tough. Thankfully my boyfriend was over so I had a 'babysitter'. I was up until midnight studying, and it's always the late nights that get me. When I'm up late studying I get so stressed over everything I have to do and it's just so overwhelming. The purging high gives me a little boost to keep on studying, and I didn't have that last night. I wanted to stay up a bit later and finish another set of notes, but it wasn't realistic, so I went to bed.

I'm going to a "stitch and bitch" gathering tonight, and I hope this encourages me to get back into knitting. I'd love to knit some Christmas presents, and it's such a wonderful coping mechanism as it keeps my hands busy. Watching a movie and knitting is such a relaxing way to spend an evening but I often feel guilty for taking that time off of studying. But realistically, I need study breaks and that's a good way to take one.

My weight has gone up a couple pounds, and I'm pretty upset about it, but I need to remind myself that a few pounds is a normal fluctuation and that I didn't gain any fat. My body is just adjusting to keeping food down, and learning to digest food properly again.

I'm going to be okay.

A couple pounds doesn't make me fat.