Inpatient

Sorry for the lack of posting recently. I'm trying to get back to blogging regularly but I keep sleeping instead.

I've been inpatient for a week now. After planning and starting to go through with my suicide plan the ambulance showed up at my door and picked me up. I'm here involuntarily but I do accept that I need the admission. I still don't want to keep myself safe, and that's scary. It's good to be somewhere where others can do that for me. We're located on the tenth floor of the hospital and everytime I look outside I want to jump. I guess that's proof that I'm not ready to leave.

It's incredibly boring here. I've been trying to keep up with school work but have been really lacking motivation. I'm hoping to be better by reading week, and if that is case I will still be able to catch up with work. There are a couple groups that brings during the day but not very many... And they aren't mandatory which makes it tempting to just lay in bed with Netflix in the background. But I know that won't help me.

Tonight I get to go off the ward with my boyfriend and roommate. I'm going out for dinner, and super excited to have food that isn't hospital food. I'm really craving a binge purge session and it may be inevitable tonight to be honest. I'll try my best though. I'll get to go home and bring some food I'm more comfortable with onto the ward which I'm excited about.

I've put a reminder to blog on my phone. I love writing to you all and definitely feel calmer when I write. This blog is definitely a journal for me.